Frustration

Hey naturalista’s

So it’s been a WHILE. I am back though, my next update will be an 11 month update, because I think I really need to get back on the bandwagon of doing things and just being a general person. This is a really frank and honest post, and I think it’s just because as I’m getting older, the same patterns I see in my life are getting tired and old, and I just think I’m at a crossroads, where I have to do some serious renovations or I’m going to spontaneously combust.

I am seriously, seriously, seriously frustrated with my life.

I didn’t think finding good people would be like finding a needle in a haystack, I didn’t think finding someone who appreciated me would be near impossible. I didn’t think I’d doubt myself, or beat myself up so much. When I was 12 I thought by 25 I would have my shit together. I’d be a famous author, ah my passion for reading and writing, whatever happened to that? The only writing I do on a daily basis is burning through the pages of my journal. The reason I’m writing this, because I think a lot of people feel this way, even the happy positive bubbly people that make out like they’ve got their shit together but they’ve got their own stuff, trust. It’s just that they’ve got better perspective. I try my best, so very hard to resist the negativity, but some days, It gets too much because I get sick of people and the world telling me what I am. Granted, you shouldn’t place your worth in people, but it gets difficult drowning out the noise. So, this year I’m going to be 26, have I achieved what I thought I’d want? no. Because to be frank, I lost sight of myself a long time ago, and some demons got in the way, so I really don’t even know what I want, and my biggest fear is getting to 50 and finally working out what I would have wanted at this time, and just feeling the biggest regret, the kind of regret that is gut wrenching and would just make me well up everytime I thought about it. Life is hard. And I’ve taken my eyes off my lane so much that I’m in a position where I’m just lost and wondering in the wilderness, really confused, and really fighting a serious internal battle. The civil war inside myself, is agonising.

I just want, to have a system where I can throw off carnal things. The seven deadly sin’s, peoples bullshit, life’s bullshit, certain event’s and experiences. A system where I can throw it off and keep it pushing and just stay in my lane and keep looking forward to I can reach the finish. I’m trying to change the way I view life, and unlearn all the bad stuff because really and truly, the way I am doesn’t work for me anymore, this system is obsolete. I want to be free. I always feel… heavy, my heads heavy, that’s why I journal everyday because my thoughts have to go somewhere, they weigh me down too much. That’s why I meditate, so when my mind goes into overdrive I have some kind of control to calm things down. I think this is the most honest blog post I’ve written, I didn’t think at 25 I’d be such a mess, but I do believe everything is as it should be, and I am where I’m supposed to be because this was the path god chose for me, and he’s trying to draw something out of me. Now I wish I knew what that something was 🙂 . I’ve got this new thing where I count the positives and I’m brutally honest in my diary. I literally leave my soul on the page, the good, the bad and the ugly. Then I adjust my dial and think what are the positives in my life or that have happened today. I think it does work, but like I said it’s an internal fight. The thing is something has changed, my faith. I do have faith in myself that I will overcome this incredibly long, long, long, season in my life. It will be 8 years this year since this dark part of my life started, that is a long time, and it’s been really difficult but even typing that maybe I should give myself props for being resilient and actually being here and literally dragging myself along the floor by my fingernails through the dark dark arduous times.

I’m having a bad day today, but before a bad day was me not eating, not getting out of bed, beating myself up figuratively and literally and feeling really scared. But today I woke up, worked out, dressed myself to the gawwwwwds with some heels and headed to the library and I’m here typing this up. So well done to me. And well done to you. So now, i’m going to pray, I’m going to pray really hard for god to just help me, and talk to him and tell him everything that’s burdening me and ask him to give the strength to overcome. I need to engage in spiritual warfare, the battle of the mind is no joke, and I know he’ll come through for me, and guide me to the right frame of mind, and just give me courage and hope. Good. If this post resonated with you in anyway, I feel you, I get you, and I’m going to pray for you too. I have faith in you and whatever demon’s you’re battling I pray you can overcome them.

Lots of love

xxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Samia Ghana 8 Month Hair update and It’s been a while

Hi Naturalista’s!

 

It looks like no one post here anymore right?! I apologise about that. I needed a break from the virtual world and needed to be in the real world. I don’t write about it on this blog but I have a lot of things going on in my personal life, and it’s tough. Every day is a mental battle and well in the time I’ve been away I’ve been winning. Maybe using the philosophy of Piaget you could say I’ve been learning new ‘schema’. I’ve been learning to deal with things differently. I’ve started believing in myself. I actually have hope and faith, and it’s building up slowly. And it’s nice because I haven’t felt hope faith and self love for the longest of time. I’m talking 10+ years. So I just wanted to say

 

I am sorry

I am sorry for disappearing and not telling you guys, and I’m sorry to myself for not being consistent. There were actually many times I started writing a post and then saved it, when I hit my 6 months, yes that was 2 months ago! When I hit my 7 months, yup that was a month ago, I even attempted protective styling on my six months yup, again that was 2 months ago, and that was an interesting, premature experience. It was way too soon and my hair wasn’t long enough INFACT I actually did African threading and had to leave the thread in so I had something to attach the wool to. I did grey faux locs. Not my best, not my best, but hey I didn’t have enough hair. ALSO I have a serious problem area in the back of my hair, as in…the hair ain’t growing :/. I think, my hair was ripped out so much from the back from tough protective styling and no moisture that the hair in that area isn’t growing, and I’m not sure if it ever will to be honest. I have faith, I have hope. I’ve got a plan, rub in Jamaican black castor oil into the back and when I get home from uni because I have some little mixer bottles there, I’m going to mix it with peppermint oil. Also LENGTH CHECK UPDATE.

Front: 3 inches

Left Side: 3 inches

Right Side: 3 inches

back 2.5 inches

I am concerned about the back, the back area’s where the hair is thin and missing is barely an inch. Apparently it’s not obvious, which it isn’t but it’s annoying because it was one of the reason’s I shaved my hair in the first place. I thought my hair would come back it was quite a big problem area I can only be diligent and pray and hope and have faith. I definitely have faith in my hair because it is FINALLY growing at half an inch a month. Remember my first length check was at 4 months and my hair had only grown ONE INCH. It’s grown twice as quick this past 4 months and I have no idea what I’ve done differently. I’ve been more consistent with my working out, I don’t know if that has anything to do with it, I have been water washing my hair everyday in the shower I don’t know if that has anything to do with it. The first month took me a while to find a regimen, but if I recall from month 2 things were cool, I DON’T KNOW, but you know what I’m just happy and I’m hopeful for the back areas of my hair that are giving me gip. I’ve overcome BRITTLE hair, I’ve overcome finding products that work fyi I’ve got a new shampoo that I will do a review on, things are good for my hair anddddd……

IT’S LONG ENOUGH TO PROTECTIVE STYLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

When I first started my blog I looked like this

 

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My faux dread’s gave me life, I loved them, adored them, they were just fire. I loved my natural hair too when I shaved it, but it’s been 8 months and legit I used to change my hair like every 2-3 months. So it’s been tough with this one. From this point on, my hair is going away for the next year, I’ll whip it out for length checks but as of now protective styling is the way forward. That’s how I grew my hair when I was little and when I took my…OH YEAH

 

The faux lox debarcle.

 

So what had happened was, I tried protective styling as I said my hair was too short.So they were like falling out, badly, one after the other, I was loosing them in lectures!!!!! NO REALLY. But what lead me to really taking them out was I was having a bad day, and I just wanted to feel like myself. 100%. Sounds cheesy but I just wanted to embrace the real me. SO  here’s some snaps of my 3 inch teen weeny afro

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Weird background is my university kitchen…yeah…

 

Anyway I lol’d at these pictures because this is legit how I used to smile when I was little, super big grin and eyes closed! So yeah that’s my twa, with shrinkage and I stretched it so you can get the full length, it’s just time to put it away, I’m bored of short hair! Anyway bye guys, I’m now going to be posting once a week instead of 3 with uni it’s just not possible 😦

 

Blessings

Samia Ghana

xxxxx

Samia’s hair journey: five and a half month hair update

Hello Naturalista’s!

 

I’m coming at you with a hair update today. Apologies for no post on Monday. I will get better at this. I am at university at the moment, so I will do my utmost to keep up with posting. I thought I’d give you an update, I’m actually  just over a week shy of my 6 months so this is a bit of a late one because my five and a half months was actually last week, but I thought I’d just be honest and transparent about my hair journey.

 

My hair is no way near as long as I thought it would be. Ever heard of the saying “comparison is the thief of joy?”. Before I started looking at other peoples hair, I was so pleased, excited, ecstatic with how my hair was growing. Because my hair had been a STATE. Terrible, was just not possible to grow, uneven, breaking, thin. It truly was a nightmare. I’m so blessed and happy to have this current twa crown upon my head. Anyway it wasn’t until I saw other girls hair that I thought there was something wrong with my hair. I think I touched upon this in a previous post, I think I have writing de ja vu! I am proud to say I am out of that phase and it was a short lived phase. I am back to being pleased with my hair growth and I can genuinely look at other peoples hair journey’s and not compare or feel disheartened I just think go girl! My crowns coming into its own in its own time. This is how its meant to be, I’m a believer in fate. SOOO I got over that, because I looked at the health of my hair. My hair still seemed short though, but then I realised I just had a ton of shrinkage, I thought back pre big shave and how my hair literally had lost its elasticity. I did not even realise how badly until today when I was washing my hair.When my hair was wet it just shrunk into such tight tight tight curls! I thought back and my hair DID NOT shrink like that before my big shave, in fact my curl pattern and elasticity was so f***** that when I looked in the mirror after I’d washed my hair, it pretty much still looked stretched and it looked like it was sagging at the tops, like a bent over tree.Shrinkage is GOOD, it means the hair is healthy, it’s taking in that moisture, the fro has good elasticity :). I got so happy in the shower with this shrinkage when I felt it because my hair was HEALTHY. No edges missing, hair at the back, hair growing evenly everywhere what more could a naturalista ask for, it inspired me to change the topic of my post today and do this update for you guys.

 

So, I’m really happy with my hair, am not length checking and just focusing on the health. I stopped combing my hair, the only time I will use a comb is to comb out my hair on my monthly hair anniversaries. I’ve been finger detangling my twa, in the morning I do it quickly with water and on my wash day I now cover my hair with jojoba oil and finger detangle before I wash with my Shea Moisture African Black Soap. It’s hard to give you an update on this part because well guys, my hair had been breaking.

 

I have been going through a very difficult time for a number of years, and it really peaked this year, I felt like my suffering would never end, and this month I felt like I was at my breaking point and my hair responded. I suffered ALOT of breakage, the odd thing is my hair doesn’t really shed, in fact barely it BREAKS, oh boy it breaks, like really really short pieces. My hair was breaking due to stress I feel because I washed my hair now and the breakage was way way way less.The moral of the story is, look after yourself guys, you need to do self care because it really can effect your health. I do ALOT of self care, I journal, I meditate, I do a lot of things, and you need to put in the work. I try to be diligent as possible and it pays off trust, I’m doing much better glory be to god.

 

Another reason why my hair was breaking, was because I have possibly the worst case of hands in hair syndrome I have ever come across. I haven’t checked myself until this month. This month is the month I was cured and I finally am keeping my hands out of my dam hair. I am cured I touched the back like once the other day, I’ve made such a conscious effort not to touch my hair and I think only time will tell if it helps with my breakage and I think it has already actually.

 

My hair’s really healthy, growing nicely I am supa dupa pleased haha. I can’t believe i’m going to hit my 6 months, it does feel like it’s been 6 months my goodness it has dragged! Another thing I’ve been getting is protective style cravings. Oh my gosh guys, my hair really grew and flourished when I was younger and I really feel it was due to my protective styling, I had a huge fro fro. I miss my dreadlocks so bad, so bad! I’ve got it planned I’m going to do grey faux locs, I’m doing them myself. Natural hair really is a passion of mine, and I got lazy at some stage and I went to someone else to get it done. I don’t mind doing that once in a while to give myself a break, but I want to get better at braiding, because I can, I used to braid my hair myself until a certain stage. It’s a service I want to offer you guys, so yeah I’ll do a video when I get to that stage. I reckon by my 8 months, I will have enough hair to effectively braid, just in time for christmas. I’m popping back home from uni next week and I’m gonna head up to London to get my wool! I’m so excited guys. I just love my hair and can’t wait for the next 6 months, the second half and I can’t wait to share my forthcoming successes.

 

I will do a video for you guys on my 6 months so check back on the 8th 🙂

 

So much peace and love

 

Samia Ghana

 

 

xxx